As Iron Sharpens Iron

In the group I'm a part of, I often seem to be the one taking others aside and telling them things they don't want to hear. I used to let everyone else do that, afraid I'd lose the few friendships I had.

And that is the point of this post. Do we love others enough to tell them what they need to hear? The group I was a part of and am slowly getting back into is generally not good at taking people aside and correcting them. We wait and hope someone else will do it. We don't just say what needs to be said. Maybe it's fear of rocking the boat. Maybe it's fear of that person getting angry and creating a rift. Maybe it's fear of coming across as judgmental and demanding.

So most people have relaxed and let everyone else correct others, not really realizing that this means almost no correction is done. I have so many faults, but it wasn't until I left the group and had been gone for a couple months (and changed significantly) that people started telling me what issues they had with me. I can work on them if I know what they are. It's so much crueler to just let me stumble along, harming others and myself, than to take me aside and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

I know, I know...we can't go around correcting everyone because: A. it's judgmental, B. it's not our problem, and C. we can't be so antagonistic, right? Let me deal with the middle one first: It IS your problem if you care about that person. If all you care about is your own comfort and convenience, then no, don't worry about them, worry about yourself and why you feel that way first. God loves us all. There was nothing convenient about sending Jesus to die for us, nor anything comfortable about being on that cross. He did it anyway.

Reaching out to others can be painful, for both you and them. In some ways, it's like trying to operate on a wounded animal without anesthetic. The animal, not knowing you're trying to help, lashes out and may bite or scratch you. You have to hurt it to heal it. It's not fun. Sometimes, it's downright awful. But if you care, you do it. You take the pain they send your way because you know they're hurting more. If they weren't, they wouldn't be treating you like this.

For the first and third objections, they're nearly the same. People don't like to be told they're wrong. We have our pride, for one thing, and we like our security, too. When we're made to face the fact that what we believe is wrong, we don't respond well to it. Not only do we often feel foolish for having believed it, but we feel insecure because now we don't know what to believe.

There are, of course, right and wrong ways to correct someone. Doing it out of your own pride and in a condemning spirit is wrong. Judging their character or heart is wrong. Sometimes, being direct to the point of being harsh is necessary, though. The key is your heart when you do it. It always needs to be out of love and a spirit that wants to serve the other person, even if it costs you. It seems like it may have cost me one of my most treasured friendships, but I have to trust that God will use what happened to help her and bring Himself glory in the end. If that happens, it will be worth it, because I care enough about her to lose her for her own good.