My Fair Lady

I went to the Renaissance Festival yesterday with Leah. If you haven't been, it's a big fair about Medieval Times through the Renaissance. Leah loves going. She has even made a handful of costumes to wear and gets compliments on them, even from people who work at the Festival.
There's a post about drifting off into a fantasy world on my other blog (getconfidence.wordpress.com), but the point of this one is different: I just want you to consider what makes you happy. Don't think about things that you believe would make you happy, but just about the things that already do.
Most of the things that you want but don't have are being idealized in your head. They usually don't end up being as good as you expected and are almost invariably different. That's why it's important to focus on what you do have. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married or wanting that dream job, but don't let your daydreams get in the way of your reality. Focus on your reality and be happy with what you have; only then will you be in the proper mindset to chase after something better because only then will you be satisfied with who you are and where you are in life if you don't get it.

You Lucky Ducks

My loyal readers on here are going to get a sneak peek of the topic I'm putting up at my other blog next week. :) I like working ahead.

I was at church yesterday and I noticed that there was a part of me that wanted to get my wife's attention during praise and worship. I had interrupted her during her devotions that morning, not without good reason, but also not without ulterior motive. I was asking her an important question then, but also wanted her attention as well as an answer.
I thought about this once I realized what I was doing and came up with an answer. When you're seeking your value in something outside of God, it will never be enough to be important. You have to be the most important. I know full well that my wife loves me more than she even loves herself. More than she loves her family. More than she loves the little boys she was a nanny to for a couple years. I am the most important person in her life, without question. I know that. Yet that wasn't enough because someone other than me was getting attention during praise and worship.
I stopped myself after just brushing my hand over her shoulder, but even that was me trying to take her attention away from God and tell me by her attention that I was more important.
There are two parts to this: the first is that if you get your value from your work, from your spouse, from your looks, or anything outside of God, you'll not only have no peace, but you'll be trying to be #1 in the eyes of everyone from whom you're getting value. Being good won't be enough, especially when it seems you're being forgotten for the moment.
The second part is that other people are doing the same to you. It's why you need to be rock-solid in your priorities, especially having your relationship with God first. Your spouse might get offended at being left alone for a while each day, but your time with God should come first.
Not only do you have to guard your heart, you have to recognize what these people are doing and why. They're (usually) not trying to take you away from your relationship with God. They're simply starving for their self-worth to be affirmed, and that means trying to be deemed very important to you whenever they're around. Keep your time with your Father, but after that, help others to find their worth in Him. Once they do, they won't have to seek it from others and their soul can finally be satisfied. (Proverbs 27:7).

Fare Thee Well

Ok, so normally I don't do this, but I liked this post so much, I thought I'd share it here, too. It's on my other blog at getconfidence.wordpress.com, but I know some people aren't following that one (yet...hint, hint. ;) ).

One of the most interesting parts of self-confidence is reflected in what we think of others. The higher our own self-esteem, the more we want the best for others. Generally speaking, the lower it is, the more prone we are to believing the worst about others. There are exceptions, of course, where people believe another person is nigh infallible, but this most often happens when the unconfident person is getting their sense of worth from the person they’ve put on a pedestal. 

There’s a very good reason for this: it’s instinctual. We believe the same thing about love and acceptance that we do about food and money, that there’s only so much to go around, so we have to grab all we can. With our fellow humans, it’s true. We only have so much time and energy to devote to other people, so our love is something we only have so much of. Because of the constraint on our resources, we tend to make others earn it and expect to earn it from others. 

Fortunately, God isn’t like this. He has all the time in the world, literally, and can be everywhere at once (for those who like “Word of the Day” things, that mean’s He’s ubiquitous  ) so He never has to dash off to meet someone else. Better still, you don’t have to earn His love; it’s a gift.

This means that all the love and acceptance you’re seeking are already yours for the asking. You don’t have to earn them from other people. You don’t have to prove yourself worthy to them, neither do you have to demand they prove themselves to you. You’re free. 

It means no more fighting for affection, no more seeing other people as competition for what you’re seeking, no more putting on your finely-honed facade in front of the world. There’s just nothing from them that you need.

And if you’re not competing with them, it’s easy to let them go on their merry way and wish them the best. You’ll love them more because you feel loved by God. You’ll want the best for them because you know the best is going to be provided for you. You’ll want them to experience the freedom and joy you are. 

The flip side to this is that this gift from God, once understood, can’t help but produce a lot of humility. That we’ve been deemed valuable enough for Jesus to die for us is so amazing that I’m at a loss for words. I can’t pay that back, not in a billion years of perfect service. If you realize what you’ve been saved from and what you’ve been given, you won’t judge others simply because you know they are no more lost than you were, no more in need of God’s help and mercy, no more in need of knowing how much they are loved. Not judging them will help keep you from assuming the worst about their motives when they do hurt or offend you and it will let you forgive them much more quickly. 

Notice that here, too, you’re getting the benefits of a stress-free life because you don’t have a grudge or dislike of someone hanging over your head. You love them and it helps both of you. And if you have everything you need, why would you have any reason to not give others what they need?