Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Monet and Rembrandt Can Eat Their Hearts Out

I went for a walk yesterday at a little after 8. I was feeling sick and wondered if it was a good idea, but I decided to go anyway. I was rewarded with a beautiful sunset. It wasn't the best I'd ever seen, but its uniqueness lent it its own beauty.

I've heard a lot of arguments that God can be proven with evidence found in nature, and I believe that. Taking it a step further, I believe one of the proofs that God loves us is simply that the universe is a beautiful place. Nearly every evening, unless it's overcast, we're treated to a sunset unique from any other we've seen. They are pictures that move, with rich hues, subtle shading, and a vibrancy that can't be captured by any human painter. Wooded hills, majestic mountain peaks covered with snow, the Grand Canyon, and there's even beauty in some of the deserts. Look to the sky and you will see constellations, other galaxies, nebulae, and stars of every color. Look closer on earth and you can see the beauty in each other, not only physical but the more important and unique beauty of each heart.

For all that man has created, none of it has come close to what God renders every day. Even the best of what we create is simply trying to emulate the best of what He has created.

I enjoy going to the art museums in the area. I like seeing portraits, sculptures, and sea scenes. And yet the best thing one can say about them is, "Look how lifelike they are! See how much detail the creator put into them. It's almost as if I were there, viewing it with my own eyes."

Take a look around you today. See the beauty of the world that surrounds you. And then remember the God that not only made it all, but gave you the ability to appreciate it. He loves us so much that He made the universe beautiful and gave us the capacity to enjoy it. It's not something we need to survive. It's just something He did so we'd be happier, and so we'd think of Him when we looked at it.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Yep, Another Weekly Challenge

This week's challenge is perhaps a tad less social than the first two. It doesn't require interpersonal relations at all, in fact. It is purely an exercise in knowing yourself and knowing God.

I want you to think of the area of your life that you worry about the most. Job, family, relationships, whatever. Concentrate on it and ask yourself why you haven't given it to God yet. Be honest with yourself and ask if it's because you don't trust God has your best interests in mind, that He's not powerful enough to help you, that He's simply unaware of what's going on in your life, or something else.

Be careful to not respond to all of these with the cookie-cutter Christian answer of, "Of course, God loves me and He created the universe. There's no reason to not trust Him." That quote is true, but if you're really stressing out about your life, then there is some part of you that is not trusting in God.

I know we'll never trust God entirely while on this earth. If we did, we'd never sin. But find out what it is about what you're most worried about that you have kept back from God.

Then offer it to Him. Give up your control over it, because you never really had control anyway. Let Him work and see what He can do when you just let Him.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Under Siege

There is a story of how Alexander the Great conquered the city of Tyre. Tyre had a fortress on an island not far from the shore. The walls were strong and the towers high, so siege from ships was not a realistic option because the towers easily outranged them. Even if they hadn't, there would be no place to land on the rocky coast of the island.

Alexander decided to do the nearly impossible: he had a bridge built from the mainland to the island fortress. The bridge was about half a mile long, all in stone and wood, with the enemy raining fire and arrows down on them as they got close and trying to get ships close enough to attack them. The Tyreans burned the bridge once when it was almost complete, but Alexander simply rebuilt it. Finally, after a year-long siege, he took the city.

There are other examples of sieges, both in fact and fiction. There's Nebuchadnezzar besieging Jerusalem for two years, the Greeks laying siege to Troy for ten years, and the very quick siege of Constantinople in 1453 that took just six weeks. The reason there are many examples of sieges is that it is such an effective form of warfare if the attacker has the patience. If they can just cut off the water or food supply to the city, it will be on its knees. For self-sufficient cities, which were rare, the attacker had freedom of movement and the ability to replenish its numbers and supplies, resulting in a war of attrition the besieged city was sure to lose unless they came out from the city and drove off the attacker or had an ally save them.

In our day-to-day lives, laying siege to something is also one of the surest ways to get it. Developing an attitude of, "I'm going to do this, no matter what it takes or how long I have to wait for it," will almost assuredly mean you get it. God could still easily prevent it, yes, but He doesn't seem to prevent much in our lives if we're dead set on something simply because it is always within His power to fix things if we call on Him.

I heard two stories last night. One was of a man who cheated on his wife and she took him back, not just once, but three times. He would be good for two weeks, swear he would change and that he was committed, and then go back to the secretary he was seeing on the side. His friend got on him about it and the guy said he knew it was wrong, but his wife was being unresponsive. She didn't trust him after only two weeks and so didn't want to be intimate with him and he used that as an excuse to get what he wanted from someone else. He gave up the siege easily.

Another man had his wife leave him because of an anger issue he had. She took the kids and moved out. After a little while, they started talking again and hashing things out and he would come over and see his kids and tuck them into bed and then leave. One night as he left, he saw his little boy's hand come up in the window and wave goodbye. From that moment on, he was committed to doing whatever it took to heal his relationship with his family. It took over a year for his wife to trust him enough to move back in with him, and he wanted to give up plenty of times during that year, but he didn't. He kept at the siege until he won.

When life hands us setbacks, when our volleys are repelled by the city walls or, worse, when the city attacks and everything we try to do blows up in our faces, we all too often give up. We look for an easier target, as though there is some city made of gold out there that has only a little white picket fence for a wall. The only treasure I can think of that can be won with instant gratification and no work is the lottery and your odds of winning that with just one ticket are less than your odds of getting struck by lightning. If you want something worthwhile, you have to be prepared to fight for it, fight hard, fight long, fight when everything in you wants to give up and walk away.

When you find something you want more than anything else, lay siege to it. Go for it and don't give up on it until God tells you to. If He doesn't, you'll get it if you can just hold on.

*Author's note: I don't mean this to apply to relationships with a particular person, unless that person is already tied to you as a member of your family. Laying siege to the idea of having a good, loving marriage is great; laying siege to the idea that it has to be a particular person who doesn't see you that way is a good way to miss out on God's best for you. In other words, before you besiege something, pray and pray hard about it. Know that it's God's will, particularly if it is with another person, and ask trusted friends to pray and confirm it; once you know it is right and God's perfect will, lay hold of it and don't let go until you get it.

"Have fun storming the castle!"

Monday, May 17, 2010

This Week's Challenge

For this week's challenge (I'm going to try to make this a weekly thing), I invite you all to think of a relationship you have that is broken. Arguments are inevitable in any close relationship and, unfortunately, some of them are strong enough to end the relationship, either immediately or by relegating it so far behind others that it just fades away. We all have some relationship that is either broken or far from where we'd like it to be, and it's probably a combination of our fault and theirs.

So the challenge is to extend the olive branch this week. Think honestly about the relationship and apologize for what you have done wrong. Don't demand an apology from the other person as an exchange. If the door opens for you to say what you feel they've done, you can use that opportunity and hopefully get an apology, but remember that God says we are to forgive others, not forgive them only if they forgive us, too.

As another part of this weekly thing, please post back (if you feel comfortable doing so) a brief synopsis of what happened. We don't need to know details of what went wrong; this is just a place to report good news or prayer requests.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Challenge

A little challenge for you all:

Make someone's day this week. Do something they don't expect that really puts a big smile on their faces. Then post it here and encourage the rest of us with your results.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Struggling

I went to my brother's graduation this past Friday up in Minneapolis, but this story starts much earlier. For those who don't know, I offer a brief history: my parents split when I was about 7, didn't finalize the divorce until I was 14, and I haven't seen my father, his wife, or the older of my two half-sisters since just after I turned 16. I haven't seen my older brother since I was about 19 and have never seen my younger half sister.

My father and his wife hated my mother with a passion, particularly the wife. Our father never seemed to care for us, at least not 1/10th as much as he cared about work. We'd be taken to construction sites all day and left completely to our own designs from 6am to whenever he got done, which was often after 8pm and sometimes after midnight, or left with his wife, who tried to upset us at every possible turn. He had tons of money, but didn't pay child support regularly and almost never paid alimony. My mom kept giving up part of the settlement to which she was entitled in efforts to make visitation better for us. He'd agree to the terms, change for a month, and then we'd be back where we started, save that she'd be poorer. Worse still, both my younger brother and older sister were physically abused in addition to the neglect and other wrongs we endured.

And his effect has endured. Without money, I wasn't able to go to the college I wanted (and was accepted into). Without money, my sister and I had to contribute a large share of our small incomes just to help the family make ends meet. And the stress of all those years of fighting has cost my mother her health and robbed her of all will to stand up for herself, even when she is perfectly in the right.

I thought I had forgiven my father. After nearly 13 years without seeing him, I thought I'd put the past behind me.

A few years ago, my younger brother decided to make contact with him and they have patched things up. He's even going to move in with my father now and work for him. My father was at my brother's graduation and it was only when we got to the ceremony that I realized how uptight I was and how the feelings of hurt and anger and, yes, even rage, boiled up inside me. I felt like a caged animal. Part of me wanted to face him, now that I'm a man, and knock him flat to the ground for all he'd done to us as a family. Part of me wanted to let him proffer a hug or handshake and then spit on him and walk away. Part of me wanted to yell at him and make him feel two inches tall (and the second inch only because I would have had to watch my language in church)...And part of me wanted to hide from him, scared of him still.

The point in all this is that I haven't gotten over my past. I never can be rid of it, and I know that God allowed it all to happen for a reason. Maybe it's so that if I can ever get over it, I will be able to forgive just about anything. There are only two or three hurts I can think of that would be greater than that, and I pray to God they never happen. But no matter what happens, I know that I can't continue to hold on to this. I don't know what God's plan is for me and my father reconciling, if that ever happens or not, but I know that I both have to forgive my father and his wife and let God help me finally deal with all the hurt that's caused.

My best analogy for counseling is dentistry. In dentistry, you have to drill out the cavity completely before you fill it. If you fill it first before you get to the root of the problem (and often the root of the tooth), you will only rot away the filling and the rest of the tooth from the inside. The outside might look fine for years, but the problem will eventually come back and, when it does, you'll see that it has been eating away for years and is even bigger and harder to get rid of than before.

And that seems to be what has happened with me. To an extent, I have gotten better. I'm no longer the suicidal, always snarling and whining uber-mess I was in college. I don't feel utterly hopeless most of the time like I used to. I now feel my life has a purpose and I can trust God. Yet...I know that I am so far from where I need to be, simply because I have never really dealt with my cavity, so to speak.

The purpose of sharing all this with you is not merely to tell you what is going on with me. Those finding this site through Google or another search engine don't even know me. No, the purpose is to ask you to dig into your life, really dig down deep, with the help of God, a good Christian counselor if you can, and your close Christian friends, and get to the root of whatever problem is most harmful to you. It will likely have spawned an assortment of other issues in your life. Look back to moments you remember most, particularly as a child, that shaped your character for the worse. Ask the hardest questions you can of yourself and be honest. You can't lie to God and it's stupid to lie to yourself.

Well, I have some soul-searching and praying to do. I hope you do, too.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Follow up to my last post

In my last post, I wondered where God was. I forgot, apparently, that He is omni-present (ubiquitous for those who like big words). If I cannot see Him, it is because I have closed my eyes; if it feels He is far from me, it is because I have run away.

I watched Ben Hur tonight with my mother. In one scene, he is visiting his mother and sister in the valley of the lepers and I found myself asking as he left, "Why doesn't he just take them to Jesus? He could heal them." Yet when my own heart is troubled, I look inside myself for an answer that I know isn't in there, rather than going to the One Who made my heart in the first place.

I asked myself why I did this during the movie and the only answer I could come up with is that Jesus was physically there at the time. One could reach out and touch him, talk to him, eat with him, and see just how real he was, as though he is somehow less real because he is no longer in a physical body on this earth, as though he no longer has power because he can no longer touch us directly and make us whole.

I just finished The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and in it, Douglas Adams talks about the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, a creature so stupid that it assumes if you can't see it, it can't see you. Thus, the way to save yourself from being eaten by it is to wrap a towel around your head so there's no way you can catch a glimpse of it. It's funny, yes, but it's what we do with God. We can't see Him, ergo, He can't see us.

I still feel like Frankenstein's monster (those who have only seen the movies and not read the book will not be able to comprehend my full meaning), and yet I see hope, not a hope in myself or that I will be able to change what I have become, but a faith that God either is able to change me into something human or that there is a purpose in what I am.

In church on Tuesday, I heard (I missed it to attend my brother's college graduation) that we went over how to trust God. It is a bold topic, particularly considering that the speaker struggles with it himself just by virtue of being human.

I was chatting with a friend from college recently on this very same topic. She's going to India and then hopefully, Bhutan for three years and possibly the rest of her life to be a missionary. I joked about her finding a husband there, some sherpa who dwelt among yaks or that she'd find the Abominable Snowman not quite so abominable, but roguish, with a bit of charm and a British accent. After the jokes, though, she said that she was ok with whatever God had for her. I asked how she could trust God so fully and she said that trusting God is a choice she has to make every day.

Too often, I think, we either trust God with the small things (how often have you ever prayed, "God, please help me find a parking spot."?) and not the big ones or we trust Him with the big ones but on a far-in-the-future basis (i.e., "I believe He will some day, but for now, I'm on my own."). Trusting God for things is something we have to choose to do daily, nay, more often even than that. We have to trust Him with the big things as well as the small ones. We have to trust that the day we are living in at the moment has a greater purpose than simply to get us to the day that matters. We must trust that there is a good end to all that happens, not because we have control, but because we don't. Trust in God, and make that decision to trust in Him every day.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Pen Is Mightier

I grew up in a family where words were often said that were either never really meant or quickly forgiven. I heard so much from my father and his girlfriend (later wife) that was either lies or just plain mean and had so many arguments with my brother that words have ceased to mean much. Even from my mother, I got so much unwarranted praise that I still am almost completely unaffected when someone gives me a compliment. I just don't believe it or don't care.

The problem that has been brought to light recently is that others have a much stronger reaction to words than I do. Insults really hurt them and compliments can actually make their days. I wish I could just stop being me sometimes and become something other than a villain and tyrant. It almost doesn't matter what, just so long as it's not me.

I wish I had something encouraging to say or some way to tie this back to the Bible, but this is one of those times I just don't have answers and am waiting on God to show me where He is in all this.