I grew up in a family where words were often said that were either never really meant or quickly forgiven. I heard so much from my father and his girlfriend (later wife) that was either lies or just plain mean and had so many arguments with my brother that words have ceased to mean much. Even from my mother, I got so much unwarranted praise that I still am almost completely unaffected when someone gives me a compliment. I just don't believe it or don't care.
The problem that has been brought to light recently is that others have a much stronger reaction to words than I do. Insults really hurt them and compliments can actually make their days.
I wish I could just stop being me sometimes and become something other than a villain and tyrant. It almost doesn't matter what, just so long as it's not me.
I wish I had something encouraging to say or some way to tie this back to the Bible, but this is one of those times I just don't have answers and am waiting on God to show me where He is in all this.
I think you're more human than you realize ;-). I mean, you look at words and actions together, but without words, the actions or lack thereof wouldn't matter. For example, someone says they'll meet you for coffee, and then lose track of time and don't show up. You wait 15 minutes and call, they don't pick up. You wait another 15 minutes and call again. They answer this time and apologize fervently and want to reschedule. You do, but now you feel you've wasted a half hour of your day, *and* got stood up. But say they never agreed to meet you in the first place, and you just decided to go have coffee, not knowing they had intended to go get coffee at the same place around the same time -- you're not disappointed or let down when you don't happen to run into them at the coffee shop because they didn't make and break a promise to meet you there. I think it's more....you're used to saying anything or everything, very bluntly, and getting over it, and eventually start to expect it. Except in some cases where a divide forms in your relationship with a person because this happens so much.
ReplyDeleteWithout words, there wouldn't ever be a contradiction between what someone says they believe, and what they do. If words didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be hardened against anyone. You're just not used to finding the gentlest way to say something :-). You have a no-nonsense, don't beat-around-the-bush personality, and you know how to get things done. Impatience is often a side-effect of this personality, and so a natural disaster that often occurs with this personality is that the beat-around-the-bush, timid personalities get run over. Something you might find helpful, is if you make a point of noting if someone has a more timid/relaxed/unmotivated personality, so when issues arise with that person, you know you should think twice about how you bring it up, and think about whether there's a gentler but just as honest and effective way to say something to them. If there isn't a gentler way to say something, warn them that what you're going to say might seem harsh but it needs to be said. Having that more timid personality, I can tell you that I can take so much more if I only know it's coming.