This will be my last post, at least for a while. It seems rather pointless to do this if all of these go unread or, at best, without any sort of effect for anyone. And I don't blame anyone who has missed this for missing it. I have finally figured out the real problem in my life, but maybe that doesn't even matter now...at least, not for those who currently know me.
I can only go with God, can only trust Him, and can only obey Him. Pray that God reveals more of Himself to you and pray for each other; as broken as we all are, we need it.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Cracked
I've talked with a few non-Christian friends about God and one of the most common objections is, "How can a loving God send people to hell?" Along those same lines is, "I'm a pretty good person, so I should make it to heaven, right?"
For the first one, I have lots of thoughts. One is that it's more our free will that determines where we go rather than some arbitrary judgment on God's part. What I mean is, say I was a billionaire and offered you a million dollars to come to where I live. You refuse and go to Detroit. I'm not in Detroit, so you don't get the million dollars. Whose fault is it?
"But God knows what I'm going to choose, right? And He's all-powerful, isn't He? So why can't He just make the situations in my life go so that I choose Him and not hell?"
Because that would essentially take away your free will. God's purpose for you is to glorify Him. Before you say that's awfully self-aggrandizing of Him, two things: 1. No amount of praise we can give Him can ever be enough. I don't mean that as a way to praise Him, I mean that as in nothing we can do can make Him greater or more powerful (or, conversely, less so). He doesn't need us; we need Him. 2. You can't do that if you have no free will. If you're forced to serve and obey, there can be no love. It is the love of God and love for God that you need, not to be enslaved.
"Why is there hell in the first place? Why can't we all just disappear if we're not going to heaven?"
God created us to be immortal. Could He have made it so that we just disappear when we die if we don't go to heaven? Yes, but then, we'd have no real motivation to choose Him. As for hell itself, I think (and I cannot find any Bible verse either for or against this particular idea) that the true torture of hell is not the flames or pitchforks or whatever else is there, but the total separation from God, from all hope and love, and yet being poignantly aware of the lack of it. Essentially, the analogy of you going to Detroit is appropriate here, too, because you could have gone anywhere in the world and, if that place is not where I live, you choose to get nothing because I am not there. All of those places are equally void of me and so are essentially the same. Likewise, choosing Buddhism, atheism, Islam, or even scientology is pretty much all the same choice.
"But I'm a good person. I give to the poor, haven't killed or raped anyone, and try to generally be nice to people. I get to go to heaven, right?"
I have perhaps even more thoughts on this particular question than on the first one:
1. Many non-believers think God is cruel for sending non-believers to hell if they don't believe. Even aside from the free will argument above, keep in mind that we are His creation, which really gives Him the right to do whatever He sees fit. If you made a pie, but then that pie fell on the floor, you could spend some time scraping off the part that had contact with the floor and carefully making sure the rest was hair- and dirt-free and uncontaminated or you could throw the pie away. Either decision is entirely your right and the pie, if it could talk, would have no right to argue or demand one type of treatment over the other.
2. Most of the negative feedback I hear on this topic is against the Christian God, even though all religions (that I'm aware of) have either hell or an infinite series of lives on earth (some as animals or as people with deformities, severe poverty, or other handicaps) and all but Christianity are based on works. Being good enough gets you to heaven or nirvana or wherever. You just never know until you die whether you've been good enough. Christianity is the only religion that accepts you as you are, and once you get that, it changes you. There are no requirements of service or prayer a certain number of days or giving to the poor. Service, prayer, and charity are encouraged, even commanded, but are nowhere used as the basis for salvation. In other words, while Christianity may be the most adamant religion in that you have to be pure and holy to get to heaven, it is also the one in which heaven is most easily attainable and the one in which we can be assured of heaven while still alive. All we have to do is accept who Jesus is and what He did for us and we're in.
3. Some people complain that with other religions, you can mess up and still get in, whereas with Christianity, one mistake and you're done for. It's true; if you reject Jesus, the only way into heaven is absolute perfection, which we've all fallen short of. Think about it in terms of the law: if you rob a gas station at gunpoint, the judge won't care that you give money to charity, attend church every Sunday, and coach the local Little League baseball team. You go to jail, even if that's your first offense.
If you have an egg and you notice a crack in it, you probably throw the egg away. Why? Because it's contaminated. One crack may as well be 1,000. Same with most food that we drop on the floor. Whether it's down there for four seconds or four months is all the same and we throw it away. We're used to several examples of perfection being demanded or else the item in question is tossed.
With Christianity, though, there's a way to make up for any number of any type of flaws and it's free (for us, at least). Christianity is not the religion that makes it hardest to get to heaven, but the easiest.
4. When I hear people argue the Bible against Christianity, someone invariably brings up the stringent laws of the Old Testament, saying things like, "According to the Bible, if wear clothes of two different materials, we should be stoned, so Christianity is false." That law is under Judaism, not Christianity. The point of Christianity was that we can't adhere to the law and need someone to accept the punishment for our failure. The law has now been fulfilled by Jesus, so all we need to do is accept Him. After all, He's the only one who accepts cracked eggs like us.
For the first one, I have lots of thoughts. One is that it's more our free will that determines where we go rather than some arbitrary judgment on God's part. What I mean is, say I was a billionaire and offered you a million dollars to come to where I live. You refuse and go to Detroit. I'm not in Detroit, so you don't get the million dollars. Whose fault is it?
"But God knows what I'm going to choose, right? And He's all-powerful, isn't He? So why can't He just make the situations in my life go so that I choose Him and not hell?"
Because that would essentially take away your free will. God's purpose for you is to glorify Him. Before you say that's awfully self-aggrandizing of Him, two things: 1. No amount of praise we can give Him can ever be enough. I don't mean that as a way to praise Him, I mean that as in nothing we can do can make Him greater or more powerful (or, conversely, less so). He doesn't need us; we need Him. 2. You can't do that if you have no free will. If you're forced to serve and obey, there can be no love. It is the love of God and love for God that you need, not to be enslaved.
"Why is there hell in the first place? Why can't we all just disappear if we're not going to heaven?"
God created us to be immortal. Could He have made it so that we just disappear when we die if we don't go to heaven? Yes, but then, we'd have no real motivation to choose Him. As for hell itself, I think (and I cannot find any Bible verse either for or against this particular idea) that the true torture of hell is not the flames or pitchforks or whatever else is there, but the total separation from God, from all hope and love, and yet being poignantly aware of the lack of it. Essentially, the analogy of you going to Detroit is appropriate here, too, because you could have gone anywhere in the world and, if that place is not where I live, you choose to get nothing because I am not there. All of those places are equally void of me and so are essentially the same. Likewise, choosing Buddhism, atheism, Islam, or even scientology is pretty much all the same choice.
"But I'm a good person. I give to the poor, haven't killed or raped anyone, and try to generally be nice to people. I get to go to heaven, right?"
I have perhaps even more thoughts on this particular question than on the first one:
1. Many non-believers think God is cruel for sending non-believers to hell if they don't believe. Even aside from the free will argument above, keep in mind that we are His creation, which really gives Him the right to do whatever He sees fit. If you made a pie, but then that pie fell on the floor, you could spend some time scraping off the part that had contact with the floor and carefully making sure the rest was hair- and dirt-free and uncontaminated or you could throw the pie away. Either decision is entirely your right and the pie, if it could talk, would have no right to argue or demand one type of treatment over the other.
2. Most of the negative feedback I hear on this topic is against the Christian God, even though all religions (that I'm aware of) have either hell or an infinite series of lives on earth (some as animals or as people with deformities, severe poverty, or other handicaps) and all but Christianity are based on works. Being good enough gets you to heaven or nirvana or wherever. You just never know until you die whether you've been good enough. Christianity is the only religion that accepts you as you are, and once you get that, it changes you. There are no requirements of service or prayer a certain number of days or giving to the poor. Service, prayer, and charity are encouraged, even commanded, but are nowhere used as the basis for salvation. In other words, while Christianity may be the most adamant religion in that you have to be pure and holy to get to heaven, it is also the one in which heaven is most easily attainable and the one in which we can be assured of heaven while still alive. All we have to do is accept who Jesus is and what He did for us and we're in.
3. Some people complain that with other religions, you can mess up and still get in, whereas with Christianity, one mistake and you're done for. It's true; if you reject Jesus, the only way into heaven is absolute perfection, which we've all fallen short of. Think about it in terms of the law: if you rob a gas station at gunpoint, the judge won't care that you give money to charity, attend church every Sunday, and coach the local Little League baseball team. You go to jail, even if that's your first offense.
If you have an egg and you notice a crack in it, you probably throw the egg away. Why? Because it's contaminated. One crack may as well be 1,000. Same with most food that we drop on the floor. Whether it's down there for four seconds or four months is all the same and we throw it away. We're used to several examples of perfection being demanded or else the item in question is tossed.
With Christianity, though, there's a way to make up for any number of any type of flaws and it's free (for us, at least). Christianity is not the religion that makes it hardest to get to heaven, but the easiest.
4. When I hear people argue the Bible against Christianity, someone invariably brings up the stringent laws of the Old Testament, saying things like, "According to the Bible, if wear clothes of two different materials, we should be stoned, so Christianity is false." That law is under Judaism, not Christianity. The point of Christianity was that we can't adhere to the law and need someone to accept the punishment for our failure. The law has now been fulfilled by Jesus, so all we need to do is accept Him. After all, He's the only one who accepts cracked eggs like us.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Can't Think of a Good Title Right Now
But maybe that's appropriate because I can't think of a lot of things. Normally, I'm a pretty decisive person. Lately, I can't seem to decide what I want in a number of things: whether to go back to working a full-time job or keep writing, which woman I want to pursue, whether I want to go through the training necessary to become a Christian counselor, where I am best able to serve in the church, even which of the two cameras I just got to keep.
When I was working in the corporate world, I wasn't very decisive, but then, I didn't need to be. I was given orders and I carried them out like a good soldier. I worked my butt off, too, because I had people I was trying to impress or something I was trying to earn. There was not only a goal, but a negative consequence for failure, and that consequence was more severe than just having to work another weekend or late night. It was the disapproval of those who had given me the task.
I've realized recently that nearly all I do has been with some goal in mind of pleasing others. I've been doing P90X in part for health reasons, since heart problems seem to run in the family, but more so I can look good at the beach this summer. Why? Because at least one of the women I'm interested in prefers guys who are very physically fit. I buy games and movies that others seem to like so they can be happy they invited me over. I even learn some things more with the goal of coming across as intelligent than because I really wanted to learn them. I cook more complex meals more often now for my friends than for just me. And strangely, even though there's some part of me that realizes what many of them want is to be able to understand me and read me, I deny them that by keeping a stone-faced visage when I'm not laughing or miserable.
In short, I don't know anymore what makes me truly happy. I enjoy certain things, but I enjoy them more for the results than for the doing of them. One exception is baseball. Another might be math, though there is certainly an element of doing math that makes me feel intelligent and I still base a sizable portion of my identity on how smart people think of me as, all while concurrently wishing they wouldn't find me intelligent because that seems to alienate me to some of them. Maybe hiking in the woods is a third. But none of those are things I can do for a living. None of those are callings, at least not in my life. What is it that I'm supposed to do here and why? What is it that I enjoy doing, rather than doing it to make others like me?
I feel so false right now. It's not that I've lied about anything I've written here, either in this post or before (though it must be admitted that I am far too human to live up to the ideals hitherto presented); it's that I feel I've been living for others all this time and not for myself. And I don't even know how much I should be living for myself. I mean, I know I should be giving my life over to God to let Him work what He wills in it, but at the same time, I want that to be my decision, not a caving in to someone else's preference.
I heard a quip a while back that a friend reminded me of yesterday, "God, please let me be the kind of person my dog thinks I am." Right now, I'm just praying, "God, please let me be the person who doesn't care what kind of person my dog (or anyone else) thinks I am. Let me be who You want me to be."
When I was working in the corporate world, I wasn't very decisive, but then, I didn't need to be. I was given orders and I carried them out like a good soldier. I worked my butt off, too, because I had people I was trying to impress or something I was trying to earn. There was not only a goal, but a negative consequence for failure, and that consequence was more severe than just having to work another weekend or late night. It was the disapproval of those who had given me the task.
I've realized recently that nearly all I do has been with some goal in mind of pleasing others. I've been doing P90X in part for health reasons, since heart problems seem to run in the family, but more so I can look good at the beach this summer. Why? Because at least one of the women I'm interested in prefers guys who are very physically fit. I buy games and movies that others seem to like so they can be happy they invited me over. I even learn some things more with the goal of coming across as intelligent than because I really wanted to learn them. I cook more complex meals more often now for my friends than for just me. And strangely, even though there's some part of me that realizes what many of them want is to be able to understand me and read me, I deny them that by keeping a stone-faced visage when I'm not laughing or miserable.
In short, I don't know anymore what makes me truly happy. I enjoy certain things, but I enjoy them more for the results than for the doing of them. One exception is baseball. Another might be math, though there is certainly an element of doing math that makes me feel intelligent and I still base a sizable portion of my identity on how smart people think of me as, all while concurrently wishing they wouldn't find me intelligent because that seems to alienate me to some of them. Maybe hiking in the woods is a third. But none of those are things I can do for a living. None of those are callings, at least not in my life. What is it that I'm supposed to do here and why? What is it that I enjoy doing, rather than doing it to make others like me?
I feel so false right now. It's not that I've lied about anything I've written here, either in this post or before (though it must be admitted that I am far too human to live up to the ideals hitherto presented); it's that I feel I've been living for others all this time and not for myself. And I don't even know how much I should be living for myself. I mean, I know I should be giving my life over to God to let Him work what He wills in it, but at the same time, I want that to be my decision, not a caving in to someone else's preference.
I heard a quip a while back that a friend reminded me of yesterday, "God, please let me be the kind of person my dog thinks I am." Right now, I'm just praying, "God, please let me be the person who doesn't care what kind of person my dog (or anyone else) thinks I am. Let me be who You want me to be."
Thursday, March 10, 2011
When to Live
I've been told that I spend too much time living in the past. It's hard lately to not live in the past, as I'm about to turn 30. I'm still single, unpublished, and without a house. For the longest time, my life has been on pause...and yet time hasn't slowed down. I was so petty and immature for the longest time, so down on myself, and so wrapped up in work that I didn't even bother to ask women out, didn't send my work to publishers, and had my money devoted elsewhere so I couldn't get a house.
And now that I'm about to turn 30, I wish so much that I could go back and do college all over. Or even from a week after graduation (there's no way I'd want to restart my do-over time with the CPA exam I took four days after graduation ;) ). I'd have been more confident, realized that it is actually possible for people to like me just for who I am, realized that God is in control (and I'm not), and not worked 80 hour weeks for about five years.
Or would I?
I recently signed a peace treaty with myself. I know it sounds stupid, but I put it down in writing that I wasn't going to hate myself anymore. I recognized the cause of it, the purported motivation behind it, and the effects it was really having, and then agreed that I wouldn't do it anymore. The treaty is actually on the wall in front of my computer. Have I broken it since? Yes, twice. But it's been three weeks, so being down on myself twice is a major step forward. And yet, I haven't asked anyone out in that time, haven't sent anything to a publisher, and haven't looked for a job. So how much has really changed? Maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe I'm feeling the stress of "impending doom" approaching on May 28 and will feel like I've missed the boat if I don't have something done.
I know that living life looking the rear view mirror won't help me going forward. What I wonder, though, is whether it's better to live in the moment or live in the future. On the one hand, none of us can predict the future, so we have to rely on God. All we can do is live in the moment. "Worry not about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself," right? On the other hand, the Bible tells us a good man stores up an inheritance for his children's children. That's some long-term thinking. It also asks, "Which of you, if building a barn, doesn't sit down first and consider whether you have enough to finish it?" It's a project that requires forward thinking to complete. Also, we're commanded to have our minds on the things of heaven and not the things of this world, which is extreme forward thinking, since we won't know what kind of treasures we've stored there until we arrive.
I know the Sunday school answer is to plan for the future, but be open to God's will changing our plans, and then not worry about it and live in the present. Like all Sunday school answers, it's long on wisdom and short on practical application.
Another quandary is why atheists live for the moment. I know the obvious answer is they have no future to live for, but to me, that makes it more imperative that they not waste the present on themselves. If there is no future for themselves, then their future is the future of others. Why should they care about others? Well, for one, caring about themselves does no real good. If, when they die, they just vanish and all existence ceases, then what good is having all the money in the world, all the women or men one could want, all the good times? "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity!" The only wisdom in such a world is helping others to see that their self-seeking is worthless, but then, if God doesn't exist, then this gives purpose to the purposeless...and isn't a purpose what we're really after? Don't we always want to know why?
So far, the most compelling reason I have to not live in the past is that it's in violation of my contract. It's not the best reason, but it's the one that is going to make the most impact on me. How much time to spend in the future and how much in the present...that's what I don't yet know.
And now that I'm about to turn 30, I wish so much that I could go back and do college all over. Or even from a week after graduation (there's no way I'd want to restart my do-over time with the CPA exam I took four days after graduation ;) ). I'd have been more confident, realized that it is actually possible for people to like me just for who I am, realized that God is in control (and I'm not), and not worked 80 hour weeks for about five years.
Or would I?
I recently signed a peace treaty with myself. I know it sounds stupid, but I put it down in writing that I wasn't going to hate myself anymore. I recognized the cause of it, the purported motivation behind it, and the effects it was really having, and then agreed that I wouldn't do it anymore. The treaty is actually on the wall in front of my computer. Have I broken it since? Yes, twice. But it's been three weeks, so being down on myself twice is a major step forward. And yet, I haven't asked anyone out in that time, haven't sent anything to a publisher, and haven't looked for a job. So how much has really changed? Maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe I'm feeling the stress of "impending doom" approaching on May 28 and will feel like I've missed the boat if I don't have something done.
I know that living life looking the rear view mirror won't help me going forward. What I wonder, though, is whether it's better to live in the moment or live in the future. On the one hand, none of us can predict the future, so we have to rely on God. All we can do is live in the moment. "Worry not about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself," right? On the other hand, the Bible tells us a good man stores up an inheritance for his children's children. That's some long-term thinking. It also asks, "Which of you, if building a barn, doesn't sit down first and consider whether you have enough to finish it?" It's a project that requires forward thinking to complete. Also, we're commanded to have our minds on the things of heaven and not the things of this world, which is extreme forward thinking, since we won't know what kind of treasures we've stored there until we arrive.
I know the Sunday school answer is to plan for the future, but be open to God's will changing our plans, and then not worry about it and live in the present. Like all Sunday school answers, it's long on wisdom and short on practical application.
Another quandary is why atheists live for the moment. I know the obvious answer is they have no future to live for, but to me, that makes it more imperative that they not waste the present on themselves. If there is no future for themselves, then their future is the future of others. Why should they care about others? Well, for one, caring about themselves does no real good. If, when they die, they just vanish and all existence ceases, then what good is having all the money in the world, all the women or men one could want, all the good times? "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity!" The only wisdom in such a world is helping others to see that their self-seeking is worthless, but then, if God doesn't exist, then this gives purpose to the purposeless...and isn't a purpose what we're really after? Don't we always want to know why?
So far, the most compelling reason I have to not live in the past is that it's in violation of my contract. It's not the best reason, but it's the one that is going to make the most impact on me. How much time to spend in the future and how much in the present...that's what I don't yet know.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Time for Plan B?
Sometimes, I wonder why I'm actually here, both in the individual sense and in the overall humanity sense. Why did God create us? We can't possibly do anything that makes Him greater or more powerful or provide Him with something He needs. To say that we've cost Him an arm and a leg is actually an understatement. Yet He did it anyway.
The part that really blows my mind is that He created us knowing precisely what it would cost Him. A number of Christians, and I used to count myself among them, had this idea, whether stated or just in the back of their minds, that Jesus was some sort of plan B. God created everything in this world perfectly and made Adam and Eve perfect and pure. Then they messed it up and God had to come up with a plan for salvation. Jesus volunteered, waited a few thousand years, and then paid for all our sins...or at least, that's about how it went in my head.
Jesus, though, was never plan B. He didn't volunteer after the Fall, but before it. God created us and the world in perfection, but He knew it wouldn't stay that way. He knew that it would become broken, that He would have to redeem it.
When somebody wrongs me, I have to find it in my heart to forgive them. I don't know that there is anything to forgive until the wrong has been done. God knew before the world was created what every single wrong against Him would be, and chose to forgive it all anyway.
When I have a broken situation in my life, I have to come up with a plan to fix or replace it, but I can only do this after I know what's broken. God knew exactly what would break and already had a plan in place before He created us.
In short, one cannot say that Jesus was plan B unless one also claims that God is not omniscient, that we somehow surprised Him with our sin. Did He create us intending that we would sin? No, but He knew we would, much like a parent doesn't intend for a child to hurt others, but knows he or she will throughout life.
What I don't understand about it is how He did it. Which of us, if we were about to get married, somehow just knew without question that our future spouse would cheat on us, not once, but time after time after time, would go through with the marriage? Which of us, if we were about to adopt a child, found out that the child would become a murderer no matter how much we loved him and that we would have to pay the penalty for his crimes, would adopt him? I can't raise my hand to either of these. Betting you can't, either. Yet He did.
I guess my real point is that I don't understand His love. With the situations I listed above, saying no, in our human understanding, is smart because of pain avoidance/self-preservation. With God, there's none of that. He died for the very people who were killing Him. You could argue that He wasn't dead very long, but the point is He was willing to go through that pain so we didn't have to. In how many other religions is there a sacrifice of even nearly this magnitude? It would be amazing enough if Jesus was plan B, amazing because God had the right to wipe us out and start over or just leave the world empty, but it's so much more amazing to know that He knew from the beginning just what He would do to save us from ourselves.
The part that really blows my mind is that He created us knowing precisely what it would cost Him. A number of Christians, and I used to count myself among them, had this idea, whether stated or just in the back of their minds, that Jesus was some sort of plan B. God created everything in this world perfectly and made Adam and Eve perfect and pure. Then they messed it up and God had to come up with a plan for salvation. Jesus volunteered, waited a few thousand years, and then paid for all our sins...or at least, that's about how it went in my head.
Jesus, though, was never plan B. He didn't volunteer after the Fall, but before it. God created us and the world in perfection, but He knew it wouldn't stay that way. He knew that it would become broken, that He would have to redeem it.
When somebody wrongs me, I have to find it in my heart to forgive them. I don't know that there is anything to forgive until the wrong has been done. God knew before the world was created what every single wrong against Him would be, and chose to forgive it all anyway.
When I have a broken situation in my life, I have to come up with a plan to fix or replace it, but I can only do this after I know what's broken. God knew exactly what would break and already had a plan in place before He created us.
In short, one cannot say that Jesus was plan B unless one also claims that God is not omniscient, that we somehow surprised Him with our sin. Did He create us intending that we would sin? No, but He knew we would, much like a parent doesn't intend for a child to hurt others, but knows he or she will throughout life.
What I don't understand about it is how He did it. Which of us, if we were about to get married, somehow just knew without question that our future spouse would cheat on us, not once, but time after time after time, would go through with the marriage? Which of us, if we were about to adopt a child, found out that the child would become a murderer no matter how much we loved him and that we would have to pay the penalty for his crimes, would adopt him? I can't raise my hand to either of these. Betting you can't, either. Yet He did.
I guess my real point is that I don't understand His love. With the situations I listed above, saying no, in our human understanding, is smart because of pain avoidance/self-preservation. With God, there's none of that. He died for the very people who were killing Him. You could argue that He wasn't dead very long, but the point is He was willing to go through that pain so we didn't have to. In how many other religions is there a sacrifice of even nearly this magnitude? It would be amazing enough if Jesus was plan B, amazing because God had the right to wipe us out and start over or just leave the world empty, but it's so much more amazing to know that He knew from the beginning just what He would do to save us from ourselves.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Editing My Friends List
Most people are on some sort of social networking site (or several). Those who are may have edited their friends list. Over the course of time, you get to be "friends" with people who fade from your life or whom you never really knew anyway. Some may be people you met once and thought they were really cool, but never had a reason or opportunity to speak to them again. And so you purge your friends list from time to time. Or I do, about once a year.
There's so-and-so who friended me and I know I knew them in college, but we were never really friends, so he's gone. Here's a woman I dated a few times, but she's far enough away that our paths will never cross and I think she's seeing someone else anyway, so sayonara to her. There's another person who can't seem to have a conversation with me without telling me how awful their life is, so adios.
Some of the reasons I use to clean up my friends list may be perfectly valid; others, perhaps not. But I've rarely gone out with the intention of meeting people, much less adding them to my friends list. It's not just that I'm introverted, it's that my friendships just sort of happen. I don't actively seek out new people, let alone try to get a certain type of person as a friend. Granted, most of my opportunities to meet new people comes through church, so the variety of my pool is a bit limited, but even if it wasn't, would I actively seek out those who need a friend the most?
We all need friends, whether Christian or not, but those without Christ need not just me as their friend, but an example of what Christ is like. Do we really show that to people? Do we seek out opportunities to do it? Jesus didn't hang out with the church crowd all the time. Yes, He spoke in synagogues and talked to Pharisees and Sadducees, but He also made fast friends with prostitutes, tax collectors (who were essentially government-sanctioned thieves), adulterers, and other such "unholy" people.
I once had dinner with a former prostitute. I was going for a walk back when I lived in Tulsa and she wanted someone to escort her to IHOP across several parking lots and then across a street. It was pretty late and the parking lots were dark, so I agreed to that and then she insisted on buying me dinner and she told me her story. She'd gotten saved a few years before that night and was trying to get into the college I'd just graduated from. I listened and thought it was a good story, but I honestly don't know if I'd have had dinner with her if she was a prostitute at the time. I almost certainly wouldn't have sought out her company to hear her story and talk to her about God. I don't think about such things often now and I don't have that many opportunities (or perhaps I simply don't make them), but I wonder if I would take them if they appeared before me.
About a year ago, a few friends and I were coming back from a basketball game and taking the metro out to a station. There was a woman who was trying to hold it in, but was crying and obviously in deep emotional pain. I felt an urge to talk to her, but I didn't. I was afraid of her snapping at me, of making a fool of myself, of embarrassing her, and just thought she would clam up, apologize for crying, and say everything was fine.
Perhaps the most striking example, though only because I know the end result, was that someone I worked with when I first moved into the area committed suicide. He was even newer than I was and messed up big-time about a month or two in. My boss, who seemed close to the CEO, told me this guy would be fired. I felt bad, because I was getting to know this guy; he sat right next to me. This guy called me that night and asked point blank if I knew whether he was getting fired. I couldn't lie to him, but I told him maybe if he promised to make things right, his boss and the CEO might give him another chance. I told him to come in on Monday (this mess happened on a Friday), apologize, and work his butt off to fix it and see what happens. He mentioned something about, "If I never see you again, thanks for being a good friend." In retrospect, maybe that should have warned me more clearly, but I thought he just meant if he was fired, our paths likely wouldn't cross.
The next day, he killed himself.
I'm not saying I take responsibility for his decision or that it's my fault this happened. What I am saying is maybe I was supposed to say something to him sooner, something about God or getting to know him on a more personal level or just something that would give him hope...and I didn't. He was just a work friend to me.
I know it's impractical and potentially dangerous to just be friends with everyone. Unless God guides me to, I'm not going to go downtown and preach to a gang (and even then, it would have to be a strong guidance). I also recognize that it can be a bad idea to hang out with people who do things that you struggle with. A person struggling with lust might not be the best evangelist to a prostitute, for example. Yet how many people do we pass every day who look like maybe they just want someone to talk to? Like they're trying to see a glimmer of hope in a life that's falling apart at the seams? Like they need Jesus?
Maybe it's time for me to edit my friends list in a different way, not in cutting people, but in finding people who really need, not another friend, but a true Friend.
There's so-and-so who friended me and I know I knew them in college, but we were never really friends, so he's gone. Here's a woman I dated a few times, but she's far enough away that our paths will never cross and I think she's seeing someone else anyway, so sayonara to her. There's another person who can't seem to have a conversation with me without telling me how awful their life is, so adios.
Some of the reasons I use to clean up my friends list may be perfectly valid; others, perhaps not. But I've rarely gone out with the intention of meeting people, much less adding them to my friends list. It's not just that I'm introverted, it's that my friendships just sort of happen. I don't actively seek out new people, let alone try to get a certain type of person as a friend. Granted, most of my opportunities to meet new people comes through church, so the variety of my pool is a bit limited, but even if it wasn't, would I actively seek out those who need a friend the most?
We all need friends, whether Christian or not, but those without Christ need not just me as their friend, but an example of what Christ is like. Do we really show that to people? Do we seek out opportunities to do it? Jesus didn't hang out with the church crowd all the time. Yes, He spoke in synagogues and talked to Pharisees and Sadducees, but He also made fast friends with prostitutes, tax collectors (who were essentially government-sanctioned thieves), adulterers, and other such "unholy" people.
I once had dinner with a former prostitute. I was going for a walk back when I lived in Tulsa and she wanted someone to escort her to IHOP across several parking lots and then across a street. It was pretty late and the parking lots were dark, so I agreed to that and then she insisted on buying me dinner and she told me her story. She'd gotten saved a few years before that night and was trying to get into the college I'd just graduated from. I listened and thought it was a good story, but I honestly don't know if I'd have had dinner with her if she was a prostitute at the time. I almost certainly wouldn't have sought out her company to hear her story and talk to her about God. I don't think about such things often now and I don't have that many opportunities (or perhaps I simply don't make them), but I wonder if I would take them if they appeared before me.
About a year ago, a few friends and I were coming back from a basketball game and taking the metro out to a station. There was a woman who was trying to hold it in, but was crying and obviously in deep emotional pain. I felt an urge to talk to her, but I didn't. I was afraid of her snapping at me, of making a fool of myself, of embarrassing her, and just thought she would clam up, apologize for crying, and say everything was fine.
Perhaps the most striking example, though only because I know the end result, was that someone I worked with when I first moved into the area committed suicide. He was even newer than I was and messed up big-time about a month or two in. My boss, who seemed close to the CEO, told me this guy would be fired. I felt bad, because I was getting to know this guy; he sat right next to me. This guy called me that night and asked point blank if I knew whether he was getting fired. I couldn't lie to him, but I told him maybe if he promised to make things right, his boss and the CEO might give him another chance. I told him to come in on Monday (this mess happened on a Friday), apologize, and work his butt off to fix it and see what happens. He mentioned something about, "If I never see you again, thanks for being a good friend." In retrospect, maybe that should have warned me more clearly, but I thought he just meant if he was fired, our paths likely wouldn't cross.
The next day, he killed himself.
I'm not saying I take responsibility for his decision or that it's my fault this happened. What I am saying is maybe I was supposed to say something to him sooner, something about God or getting to know him on a more personal level or just something that would give him hope...and I didn't. He was just a work friend to me.
I know it's impractical and potentially dangerous to just be friends with everyone. Unless God guides me to, I'm not going to go downtown and preach to a gang (and even then, it would have to be a strong guidance). I also recognize that it can be a bad idea to hang out with people who do things that you struggle with. A person struggling with lust might not be the best evangelist to a prostitute, for example. Yet how many people do we pass every day who look like maybe they just want someone to talk to? Like they're trying to see a glimmer of hope in a life that's falling apart at the seams? Like they need Jesus?
Maybe it's time for me to edit my friends list in a different way, not in cutting people, but in finding people who really need, not another friend, but a true Friend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
