'Tis the Season

The four weeks from Black Friday through Christmas Eve will mean untold billions of dollars spent for loved ones, particularly children. Hundreds of dollars on new gaming systems and games, dollhouses as big as the girls who get them, and cameras, jewelry, GPS systems, and more for the older kids or adults.

To a certain extent, this largess is a good thing, for it is a way to demonstrate to those close to us that they mean more to us than our wallets, that we're willing to spend some of our hard-earned money or, in other words, work at our various jobs for a given number of hours, solely to provide them with some happiness.

And yet, there are five love languages, and only one of these is gifts. I don't know the percentage of people who have gifts as their primary love language, but if it's the obvious answer of 20%, it means that, for 80% of us, what we're giving won't mean as much to the person we're giving it to as what we could be giving them.

More important even than this, though, and the reason behind this posting, is to call into question how much we spend on Christmas gifts vs. how much we spend on charity. Yes, charitable giving is higher at this time of year, but is it really better for our children to have a Playstation 3 than it is for three children in Africa to eat for a year? Is it better that our girlfriends or wives have a diamond necklace than it is to support those who go into our prisons to preach the Gospel? Ladies, does your boyfriend or husband need that GPS system more than a missionary to China needs money to smuggle Bibles into the country?

I'm not saying no gifts should be given, or even that no expensive gifts should be given. My point is that we should consider what we spend our money on and the other possible uses for that money. Buying everything under the sun that the receiver wants may make the receiver very happy and, if gifts is their primary love language, make them feel wonderfully loved, but before you go on a shopping binge, just consider that doing this for that receiver means you can do fewer things for people who need them more.

The mention of love languages brings up another point. For my mother, gifts are one of the ways she tries to show love the most. For me, gifts are my least powerful love language, so there is a huge disconnect there. She knows this, but insists on giving me things because it's what she wants to do. It doesn't matter to her that I don't want her to spend a small fortune on me (a relative term, of course, as our side of the family was far from wealthy as I was growing up); she wanted to spend as much as she could to show how much she loved us rather than doing what mattered most to us.

Search your hearts and ask whether you are really giving gifts to those in our life because these gifts will make them happy or because it's just how you express your love. Love is always best expressed in a way that the receiver acknowledges it rather than that it is natural to the giver.

What is worse is when you give to win some sort of competition, as often happens with parents after a divorce. Each tries to shower the kids with presents to say, "I love you more than your mother/father." Let your love throughout the year and in the way that means the most to your children show how much you love them and let them be loved by the other parent, regardless of your feelings toward him/her.

Just as bad is when you give to validate yourself, telling yourself that you're a good person because you gave so much. Both this offense and the prior one show that your real goal is not loving the other person, but loving yourself, which is not the reason for the season at all.

For those reading this who are not Christians, you may read this next part and ignore it, and I understand that, but try to consider the effect just one person can have and do likewise. For those who are Christians, remember that the original Christmas gift was Jesus himself, who would sacrifice himself that we might know God and go to heaven. His goal was our benefit, not his own, and it was his love that paved the way to salvation for us. He had it all and gave it to those who have and deserve nothing. This Christmas season, be thankful for what He has given you, and consider giving to those who have so much less.