A Foreign Language

This post isn't really that theological, just something I've been thinking about.  On my first date with my girlfriend, Leah, I asked her what her love languages are.  Her top one is my bottom one and my second one is her fourth, but my top one and her second one are the same.  It worried me slightly at first because it's a shift in how I usually express affection and so if one or both of us didn't successfully shift, the other could end up feeling unloved, despite the true feelings of both of us.

As I got involved with her, though, I found that the shift for both of us came easily.  It got me wondering whether we're supposed to have primary love languages or those that don't speak to us.  It seems that our love languages are set when we're kids by those who know how to express themselves well in one language or who express themselves terribly in another.  For example, I heard so many different things about myself growing up that words of affirmation started to be meaningless to me.  I'd be complimented to no end at home and then ridiculed by my friends.  It seemed over-the-top both ways, but I felt it was more likely that those insulting me were telling it like it is since it's easier to be nice (especially for family who love you) than to say hard things, so I started ignoring the words of affirmation.  It's been difficult for me to give a compliment since and they still don't mean much to me when I receive them.

But is this how it's supposed to be?

Somehow, I just don't think so.  Consider Jesus.  He showed all five love languages almost constantly.  He spoke kindly and encouragingly to those who were lost.  He served by walking to those who were sick and healing them and then by washing the disciples' feet.  He spent three years constantly with the disciples, giving them quality time.  When He healed someone, it was almost always through touch.  And He gave us Himself, salvation, and then the Holy Spirit, not to mention the two separate occasions he turned a small amount of food into enough for thousands.

He accepted their praise and when they touched Him (I'm sure He was hugged countless times by those He'd healed).  He accepted an act of service when the woman washed His feet.  He accepted gifts as well (unlikely that He had enough money to support Himself and twelve other men for three years from his earnings as a carpenter), including the expensive ointment the woman used on His feet.  And He died so that we could have an eternity up in Heaven with Him.

I think we were meant to show and accept love equally well in all five love languages and that we've been limiting ourselves and allowing ourselves to feel less loved than we are by ignoring some of these based on our past.

Here's what I want you to do: examine your love languages and ask yourself why you do or don't feel loved when someone shows their affection that way.  If the answer is something in your past, I want you to forgive the person (if they turned you off to that language) and then, either way, try to start balancing your love languages out.  Maybe you'll never get to the point where all of them are equally accepted and given, but we shouldn't be limiting how we feel loved because someone else failed in our lives.  It may take practice and reminding yourself at first, but I think once you realize where your aversion came from and have let it go, embracing love in that way will come more easily than you think.

As this is just a theory I came up with a couple days ago, I'd be very interested in hearing feedback, either here or on my facebook page.