Note to Men

This will be a relatively short posting, not because there is not much to say, but because I have mentioned some of it before. Men, there's a lot you need to know about women. You already know they're more complex than we are and more emotional. You know they are more communicative and relational. You know they are more about relationships and feelings than looks and physical aspects.

But do you know their need for adventure? Safety and security while not being smothered? To be known on an intimate level by you? Do you even know what really makes her tick?

Your wife or girlfriend needs more than to know that you love her. Love, in and of itself, isn't enough. There needs to be excitement. You two need to be doing something fun and new once in a while or, better still, chasing a dream that's bigger than you. I'm not necessarily suggesting going sky-diving or bungee-jumping (although if you both want to, go for it), but her life needs to have some sort of unpredictability in it and something new once in a while. And that something needs to have you by her side to make her feel safe.

Even more important than this, though, is that she wants you to understand her, or at least make every effort to. Many of my female friends have told me that they don't understand themselves sometimes, so there is grace for you not understanding them. At the same time, though, many men give up trying to understand their wife on more than a surface level. They don't pry too far into what makes her the uniquely wonderful person she is, usually because they're either afraid they'll mess up somehow on the journey or not understand once they get there.

At the heart of most women, they're asking, "Am I beautiful?" This is not referring to just physical beauty, even though they want to be physically desired as well. It goes beyond that. They want you to know their flaws, insecurities, stumbling blocks, weaknesses, and pet peeves...and love them anyway. They want to be able to be real around you and share everything about themselves with you. If you don't want to hear about it, they feel they're not as desirable and loved as they want to be, even if you cherish them.

Lastly, let's face it: we've all wanted to take advantage of a woman at some point in our lives. I don't just mean we wanted to try to have sex with them when they're crying on our shoulder, but trying to go out with them when they're weak emotionally, too. We can't do this. Even if we treat the women well, it's not right, simply because we don't know that it's what they would have chosen had they not been emotional at the time.

I had a close friend who had been used by a guy. She told me she really liked me and wanted to go out with me. I didn't, both because it wouldn't work out and because I knew it wasn't me that she wanted. That's the other side of it: if a woman is emotional, she's not into you, she's into you as a replacement for what she really wants. It's not fair to you, her, or your future spouses to become entangled in that. Win her when she's feeling well, or be her friend and friend only. Using women will only hurt them in the end, making them distrust us even more.