Relationships, Part II

I had written my friend a five-page letter, detailing both the hurt she'd caused me and my concerns about her. It was written, as much as I could make it, in love and much thought and prayer went into it. I then took a long walk to think about it and how the situation had gotten as messy as it had.

It was on this walk that I was reminded of compassion. It is hurting people who usually hurt people. The fact that my friend was willing to hurt me and not care how I felt spoke loudly of the pain she herself was feeling. Does it make what she did right? No, nor does it make it hurt less, but knowing that she must be going through something worse softened me in how I felt toward her.

Sometimes, when a person is drowning, they fight violently, even against the lifeguard or good Samaritan trying to save them. In such cases, the lifeguard can restrain the victim or even knock them unconscious if the fighting is bad enough. Bruises are still received, and fighting is still wrong, but what is important is that the drowning person be rescued. Compassion triumphs over wrongdoing.

It would have been easy and it was actually tempting for me to write off my friend, to simply tell her that our relationship was over. I could have left her to her pain because of how she'd treated me. I may have been justified, too, but I would not have been compassionate.

The Bible tells the story of a man who owed his king millions of dollars and couldn't pay. The king ordered that he be arrested and he, his wife, and children be sold to pay for at least part of the debt. The man cried out for mercy, and the king took pity on him, released him, and forgave the debt. This man then found another who owed him a few thousand dollars, took him by the throat, and demanded he pay everything. When this other man couldn't and begged for mercy, the first one threw him in prison. The king heard of this and had the first man taken and tortured.

What my friend did to me was far less than what I have done to God. How can I not forgive her? When I know that she is acting from pain and not from malice, how can I refuse to help even when she fights me?

The people in your life who seem to hurt others the most are probably the ones who are hurting most themselves. You should view the sins of people against you in light of what you have done against God. Forgiveness may still not be easy, as our human hearts cry out for justice when something is done to us and mercy when we do it to others. That cry, ironically, is the great failure of humanity: that we are selfish. "Charity may begin at home, but justice begins next door," as the old saying goes.

When I was a boy, I wasn't popular. Looking back on how I behaved, I can understand why not. My mom told me that if I wish to have friends, I must show myself friendly. Compassion and mercy are like that, too. If you want it for yourself, you must show it for others. If you are waiting for it to be shown to you, remember that it already was by Jesus nearly 2,000 years ago, and you received more of it for yourself than you will be called upon to show to others.